I just thought you and yours should know that. That is all.

I just wanted to take a moment to explain why I haven't really been active for the last little while---no, it's nothing to do with DA---it's LIFE. Things have been extremely hectic with sorority recruitment and classes starting up this last week, and to top it all off...I decided to get sick.

And of course I ignored it for a week (although I was like a walking drunk from all the nyquil) until I had time to go to the doctor. She let me know that I tested positive for Type A Influenza but that she couldn't say whether or not it was Swine Flu (the area doesn't test for that.) She also stated that it was highly probable that I do have it, along with an upper respiratory infection.

Glorious.

I did post another shortie, but please be patient.

Mwah
MP

Stolen from ~ReverendAspen

Ten Things I Wish I Could Say to People:
1. "I don't like you that way. Stop pressuring me."
2. "I don't want to do this. You can't make me do this!"
3. "If you believe for one moment I don't know what you are trying, you are an idiot."
4. "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE."
5. "You are a bible-thumping anal-retentive bigot and I dislike you, your mother, and your church. You think you are such a good person---and you aren't."
6. "I truly do not need to know about what you do with your significant other. It makes me uncomfortable and if you value our friendship---you'll shut up."
7. "I don't believe you. Or believe in you."
8. "Fuck off and die. You are a waste of blood, bone, and spit. And I never want to see you or your friends ever again."
9. "I want to fall in love again...and I want you. But you aren't what I need right now...and you don't seem to understand that."
10."You're losing me. You're losing me and you don't even recognize that fact."

Nine things about myself:
1. I just dyed my hair purple.
2. I have a sock monkey named Howard
3. I am an avid Grey's Anatomy and Bones fan.
4. There are very few regrets in my life.
5. I have an addictive personality---and I want to be the best.
6. I love socks. Particularly toe socks.
7. I like Beatles coverbands over the original Beatles.
8. There are very few things you could do to make me hate you.
9. I have a hard time accepting praise.

Eight ways to win my heart:
1. Listen to me.
2. Care about what happens to me---even if its small.
3. Don't push me aside for your own ambitions.
4. Don't use me---I've been used enough.
5. Don't push your limits of my patience.
6. Don't embarrass me---or put me on the spot.
7. Be respectful, but kind---and occasionally playful.
8. Have a beautiful soul.

Seven things that cross my mind a lot:
1. "I don't know what I'm doing anymore."
2. "Oh shit, did I say something stupid? Why aren't they saying anything?"
3. "I didn't mean to reveal that much."
4. "I'm too cold."
5. "Why did I just post that? I shouldn't have posted that!"
6. "She's a dumbass. A flipping dumbass."
7. "I hope he doesn't figure it out."

Six things I do before I fall asleep:
1. Curl up with Howard against my chest.
2. Close my eyes and pretend that someone is curled around me.
3. Drink something cold/have a snack
4. Watch Golden Girls
5. Read/write in my black book
6. Surf the internet

Five places I want to visit:
1. England
2. Ireland
3. Texas (mah Fi!)
4. Shady's House
5. Heaven

Four things I'm wearing right now:
1. PJs
2. Underwear
3. ...um. A necklace?
4. ...now I'm wearing superhero sleeppants and socks because it is cold! I've also grabbed a blanket to avoid the whole cutting glass scenario.

Three bands that I listen to often:
1. Company of Thieves
2. Me First & The Gimme Gimme's
3. Hem

Two things I want to do before I die:
1. Learn to live well
2. & learn to live properly.

One confession:
I used to burn my arms. I haven't in a very long time, but I still have scars.

_{~Thanks Rev}

_{"On our earth, before writing was invented, before the printing press was invented, poetry flourished. That is why we know that poetry is like bread; it should be shared by all, by scholars and by peasants, by all our vast, incredible, extraordinary Family of Man." - Pablo Neruda}

After a lot of thought and more thought, and yes, even more thought after that, I've decided to return to DeviantART. Most of you have probably realized I've been doing little more than lurking anyway, but hey....once you go DA you can't go back. After watching a few of the Staff Chats during the DA celebration, I realized there would be no point of changing names (even though I still want to) if they are working on a way for that to be possible anyway. So three cheers for me, I'm back.

In all seriousness, I did come to a conclusion about my poor DAS person. Sometimes the best thing to do is just let go. He didn't really need me to come to his rescue each time he was being stupid. He knew it, and he didn't need anyone else to know it to rub it into his face. So...go with God.

DAS in general is an amazing place, although sometimes I think that people are using it in a way to get attention. I also feel old while reading through these secrets sent in by 15-year-olds. I have to wonder about the 30-somethings that send in secrets, or if they even do...do people just get used to something and figure, this will never change, why bother to share this with another human being? You have to wonder.

To the people I've kept in touch with over the summer---you guys rock my everloving socks off. I've really enjoyed our conversations, and am looking forward to speaking to you more so as the year progresses. Can you believe it is August already? School is starting up for me soon, and recruitment this year too! Excited to see how the new girls are going to take to sorority life---I for one wasn't a real 'sorority' girl but hey...you never know I suppose.

I wanna be a sorority girl, a hmm a little bit more!

I've noticed the more I roleplay, the less I write poetry---so indulge me a little. I may start working on the Fryn Chronicles again...simply because I miss my girl.

ALSO....I've decided that if you post a question here, any question, I will answer it honestly. So ask away.

Love, Me

For those of you who are only interested in my poetry or prose, this journal entry isn't for you. Some of the underlying issues will be important to you, however, so I urge you to read between the lines and gather whatever conclusion you can.

To those who know me on a personal level...I feel like I need to be upfront about where my life has been as of late. Since December I've been feeling sort of depressed, and I haven't seemed to do much more than waddle around in it. When you've battled something like that before, you tend to keep it to yourself, which is what I've done. For all rights and purposes, I'm perfectly fine and have functioned perfectly over the last few months...but the stress that I've been ignoring is now finding a familiar outlet. I have what my doctor affectionately calls nervous stomach, which means I tend to get rather sick when I feel stress. Since I pushed back all the stress of the semester, I have had to deal with that lovely little symptom since returning home----I do not deal with stress and anxiety like normal people. I tend to internalize it until I am capable of dealing with it...and with summer, came the symptoms. Safe to say it's been...annoying at best. I've been sleeping a lot (another part of my internalizing stress) and keeping strange hours.

All of this doesn't make my emotional state of being much better...and I've been feeling rather stretched out on all sides. I've been talking to someone from Deviantart Secret, and I actually got emotionally involved instead of just being a supportive outsider. I realize that this type of person is not someone I would respect or care for in the real world (for reasons that are my own. Your actions define you) but it was from DAS. I got emotionally involved...and you just don't do that. I'm just that burned out...that person was just looking to talk about his conflict, not hear me condemning his choices. I wouldn't have made those choices, and I've been really hurt by people who have made the exact same choices---but they are his to make and I've lost track of that for some reason. I'm simply that burned out emotionally.

So I'm looking at the bigger picture---and looking at which balls to drop and which ones to keep. I've decided that I'm going to take a break from Deviantart. I may or may not be making a new account at the end of this. Most likely I'll still be looking through whatever deviations come into my inbox, but they'll be looked at by by preference. I may comment, I may not. Basically I'm just giving myself the license to walk away a little and figure out what other balls I need to drop. I just can't keep juggling all of it at once...so I need to take a step back, and see the bigger picture.

Peace,
MP