_{"On our earth, before writing was invented, before the printing press was invented, poetry flourished. That is why we know that poetry is like bread; it should be shared by all, by scholars and by peasants, by all our vast, incredible, extraordinary Family of Man." - Pablo Neruda}

After a lot of thought and more thought, and yes, even more thought after that, I've decided to return to DeviantART. Most of you have probably realized I've been doing little more than lurking anyway, but hey....once you go DA you can't go back. After watching a few of the Staff Chats during the DA celebration, I realized there would be no point of changing names (even though I still want to) if they are working on a way for that to be possible anyway. So three cheers for me, I'm back.

In all seriousness, I did come to a conclusion about my poor DAS person. Sometimes the best thing to do is just let go. He didn't really need me to come to his rescue each time he was being stupid. He knew it, and he didn't need anyone else to know it to rub it into his face. So...go with God.

DAS in general is an amazing place, although sometimes I think that people are using it in a way to get attention. I also feel old while reading through these secrets sent in by 15-year-olds. I have to wonder about the 30-somethings that send in secrets, or if they even do...do people just get used to something and figure, this will never change, why bother to share this with another human being? You have to wonder.

To the people I've kept in touch with over the summer---you guys rock my everloving socks off. I've really enjoyed our conversations, and am looking forward to speaking to you more so as the year progresses. Can you believe it is August already? School is starting up for me soon, and recruitment this year too! Excited to see how the new girls are going to take to sorority life---I for one wasn't a real 'sorority' girl but hey...you never know I suppose.

I wanna be a sorority girl, a hmm a little bit more!

I've noticed the more I roleplay, the less I write poetry---so indulge me a little. I may start working on the Fryn Chronicles again...simply because I miss my girl.

ALSO....I've decided that if you post a question here, any question, I will answer it honestly. So ask away.

Love, Me

For those of you who are only interested in my poetry or prose, this journal entry isn't for you. Some of the underlying issues will be important to you, however, so I urge you to read between the lines and gather whatever conclusion you can.

To those who know me on a personal level...I feel like I need to be upfront about where my life has been as of late. Since December I've been feeling sort of depressed, and I haven't seemed to do much more than waddle around in it. When you've battled something like that before, you tend to keep it to yourself, which is what I've done. For all rights and purposes, I'm perfectly fine and have functioned perfectly over the last few months...but the stress that I've been ignoring is now finding a familiar outlet. I have what my doctor affectionately calls nervous stomach, which means I tend to get rather sick when I feel stress. Since I pushed back all the stress of the semester, I have had to deal with that lovely little symptom since returning home----I do not deal with stress and anxiety like normal people. I tend to internalize it until I am capable of dealing with it...and with summer, came the symptoms. Safe to say it's been...annoying at best. I've been sleeping a lot (another part of my internalizing stress) and keeping strange hours.

All of this doesn't make my emotional state of being much better...and I've been feeling rather stretched out on all sides. I've been talking to someone from Deviantart Secret, and I actually got emotionally involved instead of just being a supportive outsider. I realize that this type of person is not someone I would respect or care for in the real world (for reasons that are my own. Your actions define you) but it was from DAS. I got emotionally involved...and you just don't do that. I'm just that burned out...that person was just looking to talk about his conflict, not hear me condemning his choices. I wouldn't have made those choices, and I've been really hurt by people who have made the exact same choices---but they are his to make and I've lost track of that for some reason. I'm simply that burned out emotionally.

So I'm looking at the bigger picture---and looking at which balls to drop and which ones to keep. I've decided that I'm going to take a break from Deviantart. I may or may not be making a new account at the end of this. Most likely I'll still be looking through whatever deviations come into my inbox, but they'll be looked at by by preference. I may comment, I may not. Basically I'm just giving myself the license to walk away a little and figure out what other balls I need to drop. I just can't keep juggling all of it at once...so I need to take a step back, and see the bigger picture.

Peace,
MP

I feel so very small
compared to the world.
I know nothing, but that
I am the manifestation of nothing…
…this insignificant being made out of things
I can’t name, named by people no one remembers,
And in that small little bit of nothingness, I exist somehow.

And somehow, still, in the mists of all this being and being small,
I have not loved you as if were salt, but I have loved you.
And with great regret...have not stopped yet.